Stressful times

If I can survive the next week, then next Wednesday night will be a rather joyous time. Moving back to JQA, though I still need to verify that I am, will be rather stressful as I am already in a stressful period of the semester. Oy. If I can get 3 pages done to my anarchy paper tomorrow, and 2 on Friday, then I should be set to finish it off on Sunday and Monday morning.

List of things to do for the week | 11/28 - 12/2

☺World Politics: Begin and finish paper on anarchy & future of world (10-year plan)

☺Comm 514: Work on next leg of project, due by 12/7

☺Spanish: -complete next part of paper
-prepare for group presentation

☺WWI: read!

☺Get Tommie my resume & cover letter asap

☺Contact Shekhar & find out what's up with RA position

☺Pick up paycheck; turn into bank for Wednesday

Bands that I have seen live

So I'm sitting down and writing what bands that I have seen live so far (that I can remember) so as not to forget, and I try going to as many shows as I feel like so I don't miss the likes of Tool, The Pixies, etc...(this list is not 100%):

Lolla '03 ~> Queens of the Stone Age, Incubus, Audioslave, Jane's Addiction*

311
Alien Ant Farm
Busta Rhymes
Coldplay [I even high-fived Chris Martin]
The Donnas
Finger Eleven
Foo Fighters
Green Day** ( I missed My Chemical Romance play but I got to meet the guys after the show)
Hot Hot Heat
Jurassic 5
Local H
Lostprophets
Mad Caddies***
Maroon 5
Oasis
Weezer
Zox (twice)

~not to mention the countless local bands I used to see around Worcester and the bands at the used-to-be free shows in Providence during the summer of 2004

*best show I've gone to
**most fun concert
***most memorable show

D'oh

It was the switching of the computer mice. If only I remembered to bring it home. Oh well.

Thanksgiving Break to-do list

I need to remember to get a new bottle of shampoo while I am home as well as do one other thing that I cannot recall at the moment! :(

Stuff to bring home

List of shit to bring home for Thanksgiving Break:
-dirty laundry (loads of it, no pun intended)
-CDs
-Cheese & Bologna from fridge
-beer
-guitar?
-Toothbrush, the shower stuff

I should've seen if I have clean clothes at home. I should bring some sweaters with me, too. Tomorrow will be fun! Oy.

Nothing Special

Max and I mildly blew up on each other last night and finally got out the stuff that's been keeping us apart. I explained to him what had bothered me and why I stopped talking with him, how I've never personally had success talking things out which is why I didn't bother talking to him about my problems, and so his issues were reciprocal of my problems with him it seems to me.

I feel that it was productive and that we'll be okay now. But that will only need to last until I move back to JQA. I don't know what he and I will do when I move away. We'll just have to see.

D-Day set

Coincidentally, I just got the call. Shekhar said he hoped that I could move in by December 2nd. I guess now I know how much longer I have with my friend before we're separated for good.

That's No Way to Say Goodbye

I feel like I am coming to the end of a road with my friend. It makes me feel like the part of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind when Joel gives up trying to hide Clementine in his deep memories in order to not lose her forever, knowing that it can't work and that their efforts were futile. Rather than keep trying to hide, he accepts that it's going to end. Enjoy it. "I want to enjoy my little time left with you," he says. Say goodbye. I've been reminded of what it is like to have a good friend to spend time with and have no worries or cares about keeping or losing that friend. That was always what I had to worry about, losing a friend, but not ever since I just stopped caring. It's easier to live without concern over no one but yourself, but it was nice to have that warm feeling of true friendship again. Though now, again I do care. I'm going to lose this connection that I have with her that is different somehow from my other friends. But I guess everyone is different.

The uncertainty of when it'll end is all that I do not know, so I'm just going moment to moment, enjoying them with my friend. It can end as soon as a few days from now, or not for another month. But eventually, it will be gone. The moments, that is. The instances when I have a friend to go to. No one is dying, but leaving we'll be. Nor will the moments we have shared die, none of them ever have really, but the chance to create memories and remembrances like we have been will be ending soon.

Headache

Well, after the dreadful weekend that I had, the headache that has been persisting leaves me no other choice but to go to sleep earlier than normal. I'm such a mess right now, not just physically. Thanksgiving break will be here soon, however, and hopefully I can have a chance to reset and be better.

Hurt

Well, I'm not feeling too well about myself. It's not so much just the $70 I wasted on the 311 tickets, but what it represents. I'm not that smart, but I used to think I became smart enough to keep myself from being fucked by someone else again. Most of the blame goes to him, because he should not have bailed on me when I went out of my way for him and threw out my own money for him. But I blame myself for being foolish enough to do so. I am ashamed. I had ignored the biggest idea I have come to realize over the past year: people suck. I will not be doing favors in which I dish out my own money again unless I'm not looking for a monetary return. Since I do not have money, it is increasingly more vital to me. Thanks buddy, you fucked over I'm sure one of the few people that had given any care for you. I don't want to be friends with someone like that. Please don't try to amend anything with me. The only way I'd even consider it for what you did to me is if I recouped the money I lost and wasted due in part to you.

I just feel like hovering around earth for a while on my own. No, you won't find me. I'm going MIA. I trust few people anyway, but now I trust one less person than I had at the beginning of yesterday. This experience does not help reinforce the idea of putting trust in others. I am left quite uneasy and uncertain.

Ouch

People are so disappointing. I can rarely do anything right when it comes to others. Not that I try to, but when things come back to fuck me, it really sucks. You do someone a favor, go out of your way for him, and then he entirely fucks you. If I learn nothing else from this, stop doing people favors when it comes to you putting money forward without a definite return. I'm so stupid.

"Take me away 'cause I just don't wanna stay."